I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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