i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
