well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
