I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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