I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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