ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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