He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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