last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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