I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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