left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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