Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
