She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
