Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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