FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
