11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
