My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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