I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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