I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
