whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
