Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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