She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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