I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
