my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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