I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
