u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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