so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
