i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
