i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
