Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
