we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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