Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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