Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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