My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
