Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
