I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
