just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
