wakey wakey hands off snakey
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't turn off my feet"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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