We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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