i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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