please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
