no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
