Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
