And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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