the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
