New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
