I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
