i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
