this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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