Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
