I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
