I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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