Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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