Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
