This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
