Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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