Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
