For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We are two peas in an std pod
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
