2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
