I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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