I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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