If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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