You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
