You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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