i barfeds in our rink
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
