Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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