Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
