PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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