take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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