Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
