After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
