I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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