The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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