ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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