Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
