And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
