OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
