The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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